Saturday, May 26, 2012

Overtaxed. (Non-monetarily)

I've been ramming myself into the brick wall of exhaustion all week, and it finally knocked me over this afternoon. All week I've been working all day in order to come home and work some more until midnight. Today I had to get up early to run our program's booth at a conference (By myself. Being yelled at and questioned by a crazy person that security had to come and remove from my booth.), and by the time I got back home, I could no longer string together a coherent sentence.

For me, exhaustion normally manifests itself in one of two ways: I either (1) sit down on the couch and become mentally and emotionally vacant for about a day as I watch television episode after television episode on Netflix, or (2) I experience a temporary existential crisis; my emotions reach maximum volatility (weeping for no explainable reason, irrational anger, snapping at my husband: "No! C.S. Lewis did NOT say that, it was Walter Miller in Canticle for Leibowitz... Stop being so gnostic!"); and usually I end up wandering aimlessly from room to room, sitting somewhere extremely uncomfortable without being able to muster the energy or will to get up (or feed myself, so my blood sugar plummets and I feel even worse), and eventually I lie face down on the floor shouting "I'm not real!!!! I'm not a person anymore!!!" at my husband. Because I no longer feel capable of being human. I can't think, can't act rationally, and I feel overwhelmingly guilty for it.

Today, it was all of the above.

I am sooooo ready to be done with this academic year.


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